The Grape and the Grain: 10 drinking rules from a (passed) master

A Short Footnote on the Grape and the Grain

(Excerpted from Hitch-22: A Memoir, pp. 352,
Twelve, 2010, by Christopher Hitchens)

1. Making rules about drinking can be the sign of an alcoholic.

2. Don't drink on an empty stomach: the main point of refreshment is the enhancement of food.

3. Don't drink if you have the blues: it's a junk cure. Drink when you are in a good mood.

4. Cheap booze is a false economy. [My personal favorite, though I follow it too infrequently.]

5. It's not true that you should never drink alone: these can be the happiest glasses you ever drain.

6. Hangovers are another bad sign, and you should not expect to be believed if you take refuge in saying you can't properly remember last night. (If you really don't remember, that's an even worse sign.)

7. Avoid all narcotics: these make you more boring rather than less and are not designed - as are the grape and the grain - to enliven company.

8. Be careful about upgrading too far to single malt Scotch: when you are voyaging in rough countries it won't be easily available.

9. Never even think about driving a car if you have taken a drop.

10. It's much worse to see a woman drunk than a man: I don't know quite why this is true but it just is. Don't ever be responsible for it.